Flu

I'm finally over the flu.  I lost 8lbs.  That, paired with the weight loss from my molar pregnancy, has given me a head start in getting back into shape.  Today was the first day I felt good enough in 2 months to get back into the gym and it felt great.  I've been watching what I eat and I think it's helping my overall energy.  So far so good.

A New Year and a New Outlook

I started out this year pregnant.  I found out on the 11th that I wasn't pregnant anymore.  Not only had I lost the baby (my 2nd loss out of 3 pregnancies) but I was diagnosed with a molar pregnancy.  I had my D&C on the 15th.  I should find out in 2-8 weeks what type of molar pregnancy I had and what my treatment options are after that.

Here is what sucks:

1. That this could lead to cancer.  Although this type is completely curable, it may have to be treated with chemo.  I like my hair.  I wish not to lose my hair.  
2. Dr. want us to wait AT LEAST a year before we try to get pregnant again.  This is if there are no further complications.  Although I was scared to death of having 2 kids, I had started getting excited about M having a sibling.  She's obsessed with babies so I think she would have had a lot of fun with an infant that was "all her own."
3. I have a feeling that for some reason M was a fluke.  A miracle baby.  That, little do we know, I am prone to loss.  That we will have no more children, but spend years trying and failing to do so.
4. I had thought about being a surrogate after my 2nd pregnancy.  I'm pretty sure this rules me out.

Here is my positive spin on things:

1. Fuck that doctor.  Don't get me wrong, I really love my OB.  However, she is high if she thinks that I'm waiting a year to try again.  Granted, if there are complications (ie. cancer) then I will wait.  However, if everything goes off without a hitch I plan on trying again this summer/fall.
2. I can't wait to get back into the gym.  I was doing well before I got slammed with fatigue and morning sickness.  I plan on using this recovery time to focus on myself a bit.  Not only will this give me an outlet to pour all my pain and frustration, but I hope to get back in shape; physically, mentally, and emotionally.
3. I'm not saying that I was taking M for granted.  I will say that I've taken a step back and now see this whole mothering thing in a new light.  I appreciate her more.  I find myself giving her more hugs and kisses, so much so that she pushes me away saying "NOOOOO!" while smiling and giggling.  The little things she does that bugged me before aren't as annoying anymore.  
4. I can work on the house some more.  This weekend I'm working on re-finishing the vanity in the bathroom.  After that will be finishing painting the trim.  I have no reservations about using that stinky paint stripper now that it's not going to harm a fetus.
5. I hear there is great "medicine" that I can take to help with the side effects of chemo if it comes to that.
6. Summer is coming and that means sunshine and fresh air.  Things get really fun in the summer.  My mom friend that are teachers are off so I get to see them and their kids more.  There's more play dates.  M will be big enough to play and slide on the jungle gym at the park and she'll finally fit in her wagon.  It's garage sale season.  Plus my gym has a pretty sweet pool area with slides, jungle gym/splash pad, and lazy river.

So as much as this year started out to be pretty crappy, I feel confident that I can turn it around.  After all, I have a supportive husband, a brilliant daughter, and, hopefully, my health.

Catching Up.

Madilynn is 10 months old now and it's so fun.  I realize that I'm still in the "honeymoon" phase of the 1st year and I don't want it to end. 

Some good things:

• She learned to crawl and is able to get to things she wants on her own instead of crying for me to get things for her.
• She's sleeping through the night.  This is not new at all, but still very, very nice.
• She knows how to sign for "milk", "more," and "all done."  This makes life SO easy because she's able to communicate her needs to me.  She's beginning to learn "food" and "water."  Once she's mastered those words I'd like to work on "diaper," "gentle," "yes," and "no".  It doesn't take very long fer her to learn new signs if we're consistent with her.
• She's so funny and loves to laugh.  In Madilynn's world, most things are hilarious.  Jordan and I live to make her laugh and her giggles are so precious and pure.
• She's still loving to eat!
• She's gaining weight faster.  She spent 3 months at 16 lbs. but has gained 11oz. in the past 2 weeks.  I love that she's dainty, but gaining weight (for babies) is always good.
• Her 1st word is "Mama" and I'm ecstatic about it.  She used to say "dada" and "mama" all the time to both Jordan and me.  Now she asks for me or will say "mama" when she sees me.  LOVE!

Some not-so-good things:

• Her appetite is growing so fast and I'm finding it hard to keep up with her demands of food.   I find myself running out of ideas for things to feed her.
• She's continuing to cut more teeth.  This is bad for multiple reasons.  It makes her crabby.  It wakes her up at night and she cries in pain.  My nipples have to adjust to each new tooth rubbing on them.  Sometimes she bites while nursing and it is SO painful!  She chews on everything and has chewed off little pieces of whatever and chokes.
• She gets into EVERYTHING!  She pulls things off tables.  She grabs things off shelves at the store.  She stands up but can't get back down and cries about it.

Things are good for me as well.  I've gotten back into sewing and have sewed some dresses and cloth shoes for Madilynn.  I love that I don't have to buy whatever is available at the stores.  I don't always love the colors and patterns and I like that I can pick stuff that I love.

I got to take pictures of the birth of my friend's daughter.  I was there to photograph the birth of her son and I'm so glad she allowed me to do this for her.  I can't describe the feeling of being in that room and being able to witness the miracle of birth.

Garage sale season has (kinda) started and I can't wait to get back out there this year and see what kind of treasures I can find.  Most of Madilynn's clothes are hand me downs or garage sale finds and I love the savings it brings.  She's got more clothes than I do and she's definitely a better dresser than I am.

I've started planning for Madilynn's first birthday party.  It's both exciting and scary.  We plan on having it at our house and the guest list is at about 50 people already.  I'm looking forward to celebrating her birthday with friends and family, but not looking forward to all the work that's going to come with it.

We had a little taste of summer and I'm so looking forward to the rest of the nicer seasons.  In the 2 weeks of warm weather we had picnics and went to the park.  I can't wait for more of those activities coming up.  Not to mention the festivals, farmer's markets, going downtown, and going to the zoo.

So, that's it for now.  Until we meet again...

Food and a Baby

When I was pregnant one of the things I looked forward to the most was cooking for and feeding my daughter.  I knew I wanted to breastfeed her and am blessed that it came so easily to me.  When it was time for her to have purees I was excited to go to the store and buy fruits and veggies and bring them home and cook and mash them for her baby food.  Now that she's older it's fun to give her finger foods and watch her explore the food with her hands and feed herself.

I always liked to cook and bake with my mom.  I really hope that Madilynn wants to do the same with me.  Right now she likes to sit in her high chair when I cook dinner.  I talk to her and tell her what I'm doing.  I let her smell, touch and, if appropriate, taste the ingredients.  Most nights Jordan and I eat dinner at the kitchen table and she eats with us.  It's one of my favorite parts of the day that we can sit as a family and be together.  If I have something on the menu that she can mash in her mouth and eat I put it on her tray so she can examine it.  Most of the time she makes a big mess and I'm learning to relax and let her have fun and not worry so much about her sticky fingers and the food in her hair.

Now that she's a little older, she likes to ride in the shopping cart.  She really enjoys looking around at all the people.  I like to hand her some of the food before I put it in a bag so that she can explore it.  She's just so observant and content to see everything and everyone as we shop.

I love food so much.  I love to cook it.  I love to eat it even more.  I love cooking for other people, especially my friends and family.  It's just so fun to share something I love so much with my daughter.  It makes me so happy to see that she's starting to get interested in it too.  And my girl LOVES to eat.

 Graham Cracker

 Waffle

 Spaghetti

Bagel

9 Months Old

Madilynn turns 9 months old tomorrow.  She's been out in the world a little longer than she's been in my belly.  I can't believe how the time has flown by.  

Here are some things that are new and awesome:

She can wave hello and goodbye.  She waves to Jordan and I all the time.  She's starting to wave to strangers, but it's hit or miss.  She'll even wave if you say "hello" to her without waving at her.  It's really neat.

She has 2 bottom teeth and 2 top teeth.  She's in the process of cutting more on top.  It looks strange.  It also hurts to nurse.  She's bitten me a few times and has drawn blood.  When she nurses her top teeth rub on my nipples when she eats and it's very painful.

She can move from her belly to sitting up.  This is a big deal because when she falls over she can fix herself to sitting instead of crying until I fix her.

She says "mama" and "dada."  She doesn't use the words right, but it's nice to hear.

She loves to eat real food.  If I'm eating something that she can "chew" and mash up in her mouth then I give it to her.  She LOVES food.  Just like her mommy.

She's sleeping through the night and takes a 2.5-3 hour nap a day.  Nice.

She can clap.  She claps when I clap or when I go "Yaaaaaay"

She's on the very of crawling.  She gets up on her knees and can crawl 2-3 "steps" before falling or moving back to sit.

We can have her sit in the shopping cart while I go grocery shopping.  This frees up SO much space in the cart.  She can look around and explore the food before I put it in the cart.

Here are some things that are not so great:

I'm gaining weight.  I was so thin after I gave birth.  I was looking forward to using that head start to maintain my waist line.  However, I was so tired and busy last summer and into the winter that there's just no time or energy.  Maybe one day......*sigh*

Madilynn's about to crawl.  I'm not ready.  I see all my mom friend's babies and they're all crawling and getting into everything.  It's stressful on them.  I'm happy with her sitting and playing with her toys in one place.

My stress and anxiety is still higher than I'd like.  It gets really bad around my period.  Jordan's really good at taking M and letting me have some alone time to de-stress.  It helps that I have mom groups to attend.  They know what I'm going though and it's great to vent to them.

What's new for me:

I've started sewing.  I've made one dress for Madilynn and I'm working on her St. Patrick's Day dress.  They're not perfect, but I have a lot of fun doing it.

The trim on the lower level of the house is almost finished being painted.  I can't wait for it to be done and for me to have my house back.

I'm starting to test recipes for Madilynn's birthday.  It's only 3 months away but I feel like I need to start planning now.  We're having it at our place and I'm doing all the cooking.  There's going to be around 50 people so I need to start practicing now.

Here are some pictures of when we took Madilynn to the city.

We finished painting the trim and crown moulding in the family room and it looks awesome!  Now we have to pick colors for the walls, paint, and hang up some stuff on the walls and it will be done.  I'm still working on filling holes and getting ready to prime and paint the rest of the trim in the house.  I'm hoping it will be done before Madilynn's birthday party.

We worked on baby proofing the house this weekend.  We put on outlet covers, padded the edges of the coffee table, and put up one of 3 baby gates.  The gate is at the top of the stairs.  I often put M to play on the landing there while I do laundry or shower.  I give her a few toys to play with and she's content for the 10 or so minuets that it takes to get things done.  Though she's not fully crawling yet, she has learned to scoot a bit and can get around.  It freaked me out having her by the stairs so we put the gate there.  It's a tall gate but the walk-through door is kinda skinny.  I'm a little scared to walk through it holding the baby cause I have to sort of turn sideways so that we both fit.  It's making we wonder if it's helping more than hurting.  It's a loose loose right now.  I run the risk of her falling if I take the gate down.  And, I feel like I run a huge risk if we both fall while trying to squeeze though the door.  Maybe I'll just get used to it?

Speaking of Madilynn, she's really sick right now.  She's got a bad cough and runny nose.  I don't know if it's a cold or if she's cutting her top teeth.  She had something very similar when she got her bottom teeth so only time will tell.  She's eating a LOT of new foods now.  I make all her baby food at home and it's saving a lot of money and I know what's going into it.  When I eat dinner I give her what I'm having if it's something that she can smash up in her mouth.  I'm excited for when she turns 9 months old cause then she can have meat.  I'm trying to expose her to as many different foods and tastes as possible.  She loves to eat and explore with food.

I actually got out by myself a few times this week.  I went to see a movie with some friends.  On Saturday I went out to dinner and drinks with some moms from group.  It was so nice just to get out and about without the baby.  Jordan likes hanging out with her and watching movies and paying and getting alone time with her too so it's a win-win.

Other than that, things are going well.  Keeping busy.  I want to try to start trying to get more active and maybe loose some of this baby weight.  Actually I was pretty thin after giving birth and have been gaining from holiday eating and general winter laziness.  We shall see how it works out.

 M pushed herself under the sofa at a playdate

 Trying to taste her pack and play

 Loving her ball-pit pack and play

Resolution: Home Project

When I take the time to look around my house, I notice a lot of things I dislike and want to change.  Don't get me wrong, I LOVE our house, but we've been here over 2 years and it still looks like we just moved in.

The people that lived here before us had a huge thing for wood trim.  It wouldn't be such a problem except I'm assuming the man of the house did it himself.  He spent huge amounts of money on very nice trim.  However, that's where the niceness wears out.  It's honey oak in color (which I'm finding hard to match with paint colors) and he did a crappy job of installing it.  He obviously didn't have the tools or know how to join the trim properly.  He used decorative pieces of trim to butt the boards against instead of cutting them to fit properly.  This makes the trim look clunky and interrupted.

When we moved in we removed most of the trim and wainscoating.  It was a huge improvement, but I'm still irked by what's still left.  So, I'm painting it white.  I've started in the bedroom to see how it looks and to gauge how hard it is.  So far it's been pretty easy.  I have the primer up and I already see a huge improvement.  Once I see it with paint I'll know if it's something I want to carry out throughout the rest of the house.  I've always loved white trim and it will be a lot easier to match paint for the walls since almost everything goes with white.

I think it will be a good winter project.  Once that is done, I plan on painting the family room and FINALLY getting some pictures and art on the walls.  By the end of spring it should look like a family lives here instead a hodge podge of bare walls and miss match.

Before and after picture soon to follow.