38 Weeks

How Far Along: 38 weeks

Dr. Says: I'm 1/2cm dilated. About a fingertip. While this isn't a lot, it's better than nothing. Just because I'm dilated doesn't mean that labor is near. She's guessing that the baby weighs around 7lbs 4oz.

Weight gained: None in the last 2 weeks so I'm still sitting around 13ish lbs. I was feeling really skinny in my waist yesterday so maybe she's just feeding off my fat reserves.

How I'm feeling: Where to begin?

• Excited: Sometimes I get so excited to meet her that I'm willing to do anything to get her out. We've tried some things to try to move her along. Jordan and I have been having more sex. I've been trying to eat labor inducing foods and going on walks. Sometimes this gives me contractions for a while, but they're not regular or "real" ones, just intense Braxton Hicks.
• Bittersweet: There's only 2 weeks until my due date. I feel like Jordan and I should be spending as much time alone as we can. It will never be just us again. Even when we get alone time after the baby, I know my mind will always be on baby. I get so overwhelmed with the thought that it will never just be the 2 of us again. We have such a great thing going now and I'm worried how the baby will effect our lives once she's here. So even though I'm sad that our time as a twosome is coming to an end, I'm also happy that we'll get to start sharing our lives with our baby.
• Emotional: My moods are out of control. I cry all the time for the strangest things. I'm irritable and sometimes a little mean. I'm over the moon happy and energetic. I feel bad for Jordan because he never really knows what he's walking into. I try to let him know when I'm in a bad mood and that's it's not his fault. He seems to understand and takes it all in stride.
• Lack of Control: Some days I hardly feel her moving at all. I'll try every trick I have to get her to move and she still won't move. I freak out. I get sad and depressed and obsess over the thought that my baby has died in my womb and I'll never get to meet her. I think morbid thoughts about her funeral and what I would do with the nursery and how I'd never want to be pregnant again. How all this would be for nothing. The closer I get to her due date the more I want her out and in my arms. I feel that I can protect her and have more control over her well being with her out of my belly. I have no control over what's going on in there and it freaks me out.
• Scared: We're going to have a baby and that's scary. We've never done this before and we don't know what we're doing. I can read all the books and blogs and gather all the information I can. I still have no idea what to do with a newborn. Nor does my husband. Scary.
• Excited: WE'RE HAVING A BABY! I'm excited! Jordan's excited! Our family, especially our mothers, our super excited! Our friends are excited! I can't wait to show her off and dress her up. I can't wait to sit with her and Jordan and ohh and ahh over every time she moves her face or makes a noise. I just want to stare at her. Hold her. Cuddle her. Coo at her. I love her so much already and I'm excited for more love to EXPLODE!

My house is: Spotless. I cleaned the nursery one last time and closed the door. I have to stop going in there because every time I do I re-clean it. Every night before bed I clear the tables and counter tops and sinks. I fold up the couch blankets and put the pillows nicely. I make the bed in the morning, something I never did before. If, at a moment's notice, I go into labor and have to rush to the hospital, I know I will be coming home to a clean house. And that makes me feel good.

Jordan: Still super supportive. He spends time with me. He listens to my concerns and calms my nerves when I break down. He does everything he can to make my life easier. He's going to be a great father!

Cravings: Fresh fruit. For the last week I've been having a LARGE plate of fruit for lunch: Cantaloupe, strawberries, cherries, pineapple with cream cheese fruit dip. I usually have a pint of blueberries with breakfast. Thankfully all these fruits are in season, decently priced, ripe and tasty. I've also been craving pasta. Bowls and bowls of pasta. With or without sauce, doesn't matter to me.

What I Miss: Being comfortable. I want to get up without wincing in pain. Or bend over without feeling like I'll tip forward. Or be able to put my shoes on without having to sit down.

What I'm Looking Forward To: Normal clothes. I'm hoping that my lack of weight gain makes it easier to loose weight after the baby. With how my hips and thighs have changed I'll probably never fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans again. I want to re-vamp my style. Maybe try something new. I'm sick of jeans and tee-shirts. I want to look girly and fun. Thankfully it's going to be summer time and I can wear dresses and cute tops.