3 Months Old

Madilynn is 3 months old now. It's amazing how fast time goes by. Seems like I was just bringing her home and now she's a hefty, chunky baby.

What's New?
She's sleeping through the night most nights. We've started a bedtime routine. Bath, massage with lotion, jammies, swaddle, feeding, and then snuggles until she passes out. This routine takes about 30 minuets total. We're working on getting her to bed earlier and earlier so that Jordan and I can spend more alone time together. So far, so good.

TONS of smiles! She smiles when I smile at her. Most of the time we can get her to smile by tickling her or making funny noises.

Giggles. She's giggled at me 3 times. I was over the moon! It's the sweetest sound I've ever heard in my whole life.

She's totally holding her head up. Sometimes it will flop, but she regains control quickly. She likes to be help upright so she can see everything. She LOVES the TV. She likes the noises and bright moving light. We're not too strict about limiting her TV time. It's not like we prop her up in front of it and walk away. But, we don't freak out if she looks at it when we're watching movies or whatever.


What's Old:
She's still just nursing or taking breast milk.

She still hates tummy time.


What We're Working On:
She still needs to be swaddled to sleep. This is getting rough because she's almost outgrown her large size swaddles and they don't make bigger sizes. She's also still sleeping in her swing. We're going to start putting her in her bouncy chair (that will ween her off the movement of the swing since it doesn't move, but still keep her elevated) and then into her co-sleeper. She takes naps laying flat on her back in her pack and play, so that's helping as well.

Weekly Blog Update

I feel like I should at least update my blog weekly. So here it is, folks:

Baby, baby, blah blah blah...

That's it.

I painted a picture for you about how I feel at the moment.

Trying to Keep Myself Busy

I could say a lot of stuff about being a stay at home mom...
"It's so rewarding."
"I feel so fulfilled."
"I can't see myself doing anything else."
....that would be a total lie.

Truth is, sometimes I feel that it's not all it's cracked up to be.

Sure, it is rewarding at times. I get to be home to catch all of Madilynn's "firsts" and to see her laugh and learn. But these events are few and far between at this point. I get to be at home and watch her sleep. To soothe her crying and change diapers and dirty clothes. YAY! To watch her in her swing or on her play mat or prop her up next to me on the sofa while I try to eat my lunch in one sitting....if I get a lunch at all. It's totally entertaining.......*yawn*

I went to college for restaurant management and then on to culinary school. Sometimes I feel like I'm wasting my college degree and skills. However, having a career in the restaurant industry does not go too well with having a family life. Restaurant work is mostly nights, weekends, and holidays. It's cooking for other people when they have time to relax and enjoy themselves. I like to be home when my husband is home, to enjoy family parties and be able to hang out with friends.

I would really love another part time job. I miss the little bit of spending money that I had when I worked while pregnant. But what am I going to do? Pay for daycare? I wouldn't come close to breaking even because all my earnings would go to childcare. And leaving my baby with a stranger who won't give her one on one attention all day is not for me. I could leave her with my mother-in-law. And, if I could find a little job that gave me the hours I wanted, it might be an option in the future. I just feel like Madi is too little to be left with someone right now.

I'll be honest, sitting at home with a newborn is BORING!!! So, I try to keep myself busy.

Mondays I do the laundry and grocery shopping.
Tuesdays I try to get errands ran and other non-food shopping done.
Wednesdays I go to a breastfeeding moms meetup group.
Thursdays and Fridays I try to hit some garage sales in the mornings and then find something to do in the afternoons.

Even though I have stuff going on, I still get totally bored during the day. So, I've been in my craft room making hair bows for my baby. I've thought about putting them on Etsy, along with some crocheted hats I've made, but I'm not sure about it. I don't know how all the shipping and tax works. And there's always the fear of failing. Etsy is already flooded with the same items that I make, so why would anyone pick my stuff to buy?

I've thought of renting booth space at the local farmer's market, but then I'd have to find/buy a table and pop-up awning thing. And booth rental is anywhere from $15-$30 so if I don't sell enough I loose money.

It's something I enjoy doing and it might earn me a little money. Jordan is all for it and has been encouraging me to start up a shop. Right now I've been making them and giving them to the moms at group and they all seem to like them. The whole thought of it makes me nervous, which holds me back.

Here are the sets that I made for some moms at group.

Some other flowers I've made for Madilynn's headbands

I'm still trying to figure out what to do, if anything at all. But for now, my little hobby keeps me busy and entertained. Any my baby looks super cure sporting my wares.

Another Child?

Though Madilynn is less than 3 months old, many people have asked me if and when I was going to have more babies. My response to this is always, "Well, my husband wants one more, but she's my one and only." This response is taken well by a few, but many people, their response is something like the following:

"Oh, you'll want/have more." <--- Really? I will? I didn't know you were psychic.
"Babies are so fun and cute! I want tons of babies!!!" <----- You obviously have no babies.
"But she'll need someone to play with."< ------ I'm sure she'll make many friends at school
"But I want more grand babies.<----- Uhhh...Neither Jordan nor I are only children.
"You'll change your mind when Madilynn gets a little bigger.< ----- Here's the kicker. The one that gets me every time.

I know this might sound bad, but if Madilynn was born a boy then I would totally be down for a 2nd child. If I knew, 100%, that my next child would be a boy, I'd be all for it. I don't want 2 girls. Girls are emotional and mean. They want to dress up and play pretend. That's not my bag. I like to be outside. I like sports. I had an older brother and mostly guy friends growing up. I just feel like I relate more to guys. I'm just now, at 27, starting to get into clothes and hair and all that. I feel more feminine now than I ever have. Two boys I could handle. But 2 girls? And, trust me, deep down I know if I got pregnant again it would be a girl.

It makes more sense, financially, to have one child. That's only one car when they turn 16, one college tuition, one wedding (again with the girl thing). When we take vacations, it's only 1 extra ticket. It would be cheaper to dine out, see movies and go to amusement parks.

I just got over a cold and have just had a mild bout of.... food poisoning? stomach bug? whatever...have just thrown up multiple times. I had to call Jordan home to help with the baby because I was dizzy and light headed and couldn't walk without getting the spins. I was scared to pick up the baby. Laying in bed with her fussing while I waited for Jordan to get home was AWFUL. All I wanted was to lay in a dark, cold, quiet room. And guess who wanted to eat (twice) and blew out her diaper while waiting for Dad to get home. This takes me back to the days when I had constant morning sickness. And I remember, on a particularly bad day of morning sickness, wondering what I would do if I had a toddler to take care of. I could barely make it through the hour and a half it took Jordan to get home from work. How would I manage 13 weeks of constant sick, with another, demanding person to take care of?

And then there's the guilt. I want to give Madi everything. All my love and attention. I don't want her to be jealous of a new sibling. I don't want to have to spread myself too thin. I would feel bad for both children that I couldn't give them my 100%.

And Madilynn is SUCH a good baby. She hardly ever cries and is almost sleeping though the night. I just know our 2nd child would be a terror. You don't win the lotto twice, my friend.

However, if we had another child, Madilynn would have a sibling to grow up and play with. Jordan and I wouldn't be her only source of entertainment. We could have one kid mowing while the other one did dishes. Now that sounds nice. We would have, possibly, more grandchildren to enjoy in our old age. And more than one child to burden when we get sick and feeble and need someone to take care of us.

I asked Jordan the other day, "In your heart of hearts, do you think we'll have another child?" He said yes. He wants another child. Hands down he does. I asked him if he would feel unfulfilled, like he'd be missing out, if we only had one child. He said no. So who am I to take away his dreams of having the family he wants? What about what I want?

I know it's WAY too early to even be thinking about this. But the thought is brought to my attention every now and then. I can't help but try to look into my future and figure out which steps to take to get where we're going.