SAHM

I got the job.  I went through orientation, training, and put in some shifts.  Then I quit to stay home with Madilynn.  The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to stay home.  I talked to Jordan about it and he agrees.  I was going to wait it out through the winter, but with the holidays coming up, I wanted to be sure I was going to be home. 

Over Thanksgiving, I had to cut my trip to see my parents short so I could go to work.  I wasn't able to fully enjoy my holiday because I had this dark dread of going to work looming over me.  I don't want to deal with that over Christmas.

She's at such a great age right now and it's only getting better.  I want to be home to be a part of all of it.  I can work when she starts school.

Returning to Work

A while back I was having a really hard time dealing with the stress of taking care of Madilynn all day.  She was sick and I was hormonal and it wasn't a good mix.  I started to put my feelers out there and looking for a part time job so that I could get away for a bit.  There's a new gourmet market coming to town and they have a very upscale bakery.  I decided to apply for a part time position there. 

I talked to my mother in law and asked if she could watch Madilynn while I was at work.  She said that she would be able to watch her M-Thur.  Her and my father in law have a condo in the city and they weekend there most of the time.  The hours that I will most likely be working are 7-4.  Jordan will be in charge of getting her up and to his mom's house.  I will pick her up after work.

I was called in for the 1st round of interviews and it went really well.  The recruiter I met with said she thought I'd be a good fit and that she was going to recommend me for the position.

While I was waiting to hear back from them, things changed at home.  Madilynn and I were getting along better and I couldn't get enough of her.  She's becoming more active and more fun to hang out with and we were having a great time together.  I also became more involved in some mommy groups so I was keeping busy with that as well.  The thought of leaving her broke my heart.  Knowing that my MIL would be on the receiving end of the smiles and giggle instead of me brought me to tears.  I started second-guessing myself and if I REALLY wanted to go back to work.

Another thing that has me wavering is thinking about being up all night with Madilynn and then having to go to work exhausted.  Having to work hard all day, pick her up from Grandma's house, cook dinner, change diapers, get her and Jordan fed, give baths, clean up the dinner mess and get her down for bed.  Only to get 4 hours of sleep before repeating.

The up side to working is the money.  Though I won't be making a lot, it will add up to an extra $1000ish a month.  There's a lot of things around the house that I want to get done: new carpet, new furniture, taring down the kitchen wall, a new bed and bedroom set.  Not to mention that both of our cars are old and on their last leg.  And I'll FINALLY be able to afford a smart phone.  Also, group outings will decrease due to the Winter weather.  So working will really fill my time during the cold months.

I voiced my pros and cons to Jordan.  He told me that I didn't need to work.  That the money isn't worth my feeling of missing out on our daughter growing up.    And I'm so lucky that we are in a position that I can stay home if I want to.

In the end, I figure I'll give it a try.  At least through Winter.  The added money will be nice.  Winter is boring a dreary anyways.

But those smiles.  The giggles.  The snuggles.  She's only this age, this happy, bubbly, baby, for such a very short time.  I can't help but feel like I'll be missing out.  And I'm not sure I can deal with that.

Life Update

So Madilynn is over 5 months old now and so much has changed.  She's in complete control of her head and neck and loves looking around and taking everything in.  She is bearing weight on her legs and loves to stand up with help.  She's rolling front to back most times.  She's found her feet and loves to pull and suck on her socks.  But, the biggest thing, is that she's almost sitting unassisted.  She corrects herself when she tips too far to one side and can sit on her own for extended lengths of time.   From what I hear, this is a bit advanced as most babies don't do this until 6 months.

We celebrated Halloween.  She dressed up as a pumpkin and we went trick or treating with her friend, Brycen, and his parents.  Though we only went around the block, she was able to collect a lot of candy for Jordan and me.

We have her eating some solid foods now.  So far she's only had butternut squash, oatmeal, apples, and sweet potatoes.  She's learning that that she can clamp her mouth shut and twist her head to avoid the spoon.  She often ends up wearing more than she eats.  We've been exposing her bottles more and last weekend she took a full bottle when I went shopping with my mom.

We've been having problems with diapers for the last month or so.  She's too big for size 2 and too small for size 3.  Every time she poops she blows it out of her diaper.  I end up having to change her clothing 2-5 times a day now.  It's really frustrating, not to mention stinky.  It's really a downer to have to wash her swing, car seat cover, sheets and clothes all the time.  And, since she's eating solids, her poop stains.  So now everything has to be pre-treated before the wash in hopes that the stains come out.

She's sleeping in her crib at night which is really nice.  She still wakes up 1-3 times a night to eat, but that is happening less and less.  I'm really hoping that she starts sleeping through the night soon.

I've been applying for some jobs and I'm hoping to get back to work soon.  Jordan's mom agreed to watch Madilynn a few days a week.  I'd really like to work in the bakery of the new Fresh Market that's opening in our area.  I went in for an interview and it seems promising.

I'm still making hats and I've made a nice chunk of money doing so.  It keeps me busy during the day while Madi is asleep.

Jordan is working for a new company now as well.  I was worried that the company that took over would fire all the existing employees but they're not going to do so.  In fact, they saying that they have a 4-6 year job security which really puts my mind at rest.

Dragging

Blah.  What to post......

I started selling my hats and it's taken off.  I'm keeping busy during the day and making quite a bit of pocket change.

We've also been working on getting the office/craft room cleaned up and putting a bed up there.  I used to be in to scrapbooking and I have a ton of stuff.  But truth is, I just don't have the time anymore.  I can't bring myself to sell off all my stuff, so I boxed it up and put it in the basement.  We were given a daybed from some friends and put it up there too.  I found a really cute comforter set at Target on super clearance and snatched that up.  I still have to get some sheets and then we'll be all set.

I feel like, as a family, we are taking 2 steps forward and 1 step back.  Last week Madilynn slept through the night every night.  EVERY NIGHT!  She'd go down between 8 and 9pm and wake up at 7am.  I got spoiled.  SO spoiled.  Now, just because the baby was sleeping doesn't mean that I was.  Jordan's alarm would wake me up at 5:00am.  And at 5:15am.  And 5:30am.  And then again at 6:00am.  The dogs whine to go out and the baby makes noise constantly.  And my boobs are big and swollen and ache during the night.  It seems like everyone is asleep around me, but I still can't get that one good night of sleep.

Because I've been so tired, I haven't been cooking like I used to.  We've been eating a lot more quick foods and frozen things.  After 2 weeks of eating like this, I can already feel the added drain on my body.  I'm too tired to go grocery shopping.  Too tired to prep and cook dinner.  And as a result it is sucking more energy out of me.

But, this post isn't all bitching about being tired.  Madilynn has started laughing and squealing in delight.  She laughs at her toys and just loves Jordan tickling her.  She's learning new things every day and it's just amazing.  I can tell that she's on the cusp of rolling over.  Every time we do tummy time I record it so that I can get that 1st roll on "film."

My mom came to visit this weekend and we had a great time.  We went shopping and to a fall festival.  It's always nice when she visits.  She loves to see Madilynn and I love spending time with her.

Labor Day Weekend

We got to celebrate our 1st Labor Day with Madi and it was very busy and tons of fun.

On Friday we went to the Sunset Fest. with some friends. Funnel cakes always equal a great time.

Madi loved all the bright flashing lights

Saturday morning we went to the craft show at the Sunset Fest. When we got there is was starting to rain and the vendors were packing some stuff up. There weren't a lot of vendors and it was kind of blah.

Saturday night we hung out with friends at our house and it was fun to catch up and play with their baby.

We were able to relax Sunday morning. In the afternoon we went to my in-law's party. My mother in law had some of her friends over and they all wanted to meet Madilynn. It was fun and the food was great and we ended up staying pretty late.

On Monday we went to Septemberfest in Schaumburg. It was chilly out so I got to dress Madi in some of her new fall clothes. There were a ton on arts/craft vendors to look at and the whole thing was free. We got a caricature drawn of our little family and it turned out....ok. I'm not sure that I liked the way the artist drew me. He made my face really pinched looking.

I think he captured Jordan and Madilynn very well. Me...not so much.

Since it was bright and chilly, Madi wore her sunglasses and a hat I made her. So many people stopped us to coo over how cute she looked. It was a little overwhelming.

All in all it was a fun weekend and a great way to end the summer.

3 Months Old

Madilynn is 3 months old now. It's amazing how fast time goes by. Seems like I was just bringing her home and now she's a hefty, chunky baby.

What's New?
She's sleeping through the night most nights. We've started a bedtime routine. Bath, massage with lotion, jammies, swaddle, feeding, and then snuggles until she passes out. This routine takes about 30 minuets total. We're working on getting her to bed earlier and earlier so that Jordan and I can spend more alone time together. So far, so good.

TONS of smiles! She smiles when I smile at her. Most of the time we can get her to smile by tickling her or making funny noises.

Giggles. She's giggled at me 3 times. I was over the moon! It's the sweetest sound I've ever heard in my whole life.

She's totally holding her head up. Sometimes it will flop, but she regains control quickly. She likes to be help upright so she can see everything. She LOVES the TV. She likes the noises and bright moving light. We're not too strict about limiting her TV time. It's not like we prop her up in front of it and walk away. But, we don't freak out if she looks at it when we're watching movies or whatever.


What's Old:
She's still just nursing or taking breast milk.

She still hates tummy time.


What We're Working On:
She still needs to be swaddled to sleep. This is getting rough because she's almost outgrown her large size swaddles and they don't make bigger sizes. She's also still sleeping in her swing. We're going to start putting her in her bouncy chair (that will ween her off the movement of the swing since it doesn't move, but still keep her elevated) and then into her co-sleeper. She takes naps laying flat on her back in her pack and play, so that's helping as well.

Weekly Blog Update

I feel like I should at least update my blog weekly. So here it is, folks:

Baby, baby, blah blah blah...

That's it.

I painted a picture for you about how I feel at the moment.

Trying to Keep Myself Busy

I could say a lot of stuff about being a stay at home mom...
"It's so rewarding."
"I feel so fulfilled."
"I can't see myself doing anything else."
....that would be a total lie.

Truth is, sometimes I feel that it's not all it's cracked up to be.

Sure, it is rewarding at times. I get to be home to catch all of Madilynn's "firsts" and to see her laugh and learn. But these events are few and far between at this point. I get to be at home and watch her sleep. To soothe her crying and change diapers and dirty clothes. YAY! To watch her in her swing or on her play mat or prop her up next to me on the sofa while I try to eat my lunch in one sitting....if I get a lunch at all. It's totally entertaining.......*yawn*

I went to college for restaurant management and then on to culinary school. Sometimes I feel like I'm wasting my college degree and skills. However, having a career in the restaurant industry does not go too well with having a family life. Restaurant work is mostly nights, weekends, and holidays. It's cooking for other people when they have time to relax and enjoy themselves. I like to be home when my husband is home, to enjoy family parties and be able to hang out with friends.

I would really love another part time job. I miss the little bit of spending money that I had when I worked while pregnant. But what am I going to do? Pay for daycare? I wouldn't come close to breaking even because all my earnings would go to childcare. And leaving my baby with a stranger who won't give her one on one attention all day is not for me. I could leave her with my mother-in-law. And, if I could find a little job that gave me the hours I wanted, it might be an option in the future. I just feel like Madi is too little to be left with someone right now.

I'll be honest, sitting at home with a newborn is BORING!!! So, I try to keep myself busy.

Mondays I do the laundry and grocery shopping.
Tuesdays I try to get errands ran and other non-food shopping done.
Wednesdays I go to a breastfeeding moms meetup group.
Thursdays and Fridays I try to hit some garage sales in the mornings and then find something to do in the afternoons.

Even though I have stuff going on, I still get totally bored during the day. So, I've been in my craft room making hair bows for my baby. I've thought about putting them on Etsy, along with some crocheted hats I've made, but I'm not sure about it. I don't know how all the shipping and tax works. And there's always the fear of failing. Etsy is already flooded with the same items that I make, so why would anyone pick my stuff to buy?

I've thought of renting booth space at the local farmer's market, but then I'd have to find/buy a table and pop-up awning thing. And booth rental is anywhere from $15-$30 so if I don't sell enough I loose money.

It's something I enjoy doing and it might earn me a little money. Jordan is all for it and has been encouraging me to start up a shop. Right now I've been making them and giving them to the moms at group and they all seem to like them. The whole thought of it makes me nervous, which holds me back.

Here are the sets that I made for some moms at group.

Some other flowers I've made for Madilynn's headbands

I'm still trying to figure out what to do, if anything at all. But for now, my little hobby keeps me busy and entertained. Any my baby looks super cure sporting my wares.

Another Child?

Though Madilynn is less than 3 months old, many people have asked me if and when I was going to have more babies. My response to this is always, "Well, my husband wants one more, but she's my one and only." This response is taken well by a few, but many people, their response is something like the following:

"Oh, you'll want/have more." <--- Really? I will? I didn't know you were psychic.
"Babies are so fun and cute! I want tons of babies!!!" <----- You obviously have no babies.
"But she'll need someone to play with."< ------ I'm sure she'll make many friends at school
"But I want more grand babies.<----- Uhhh...Neither Jordan nor I are only children.
"You'll change your mind when Madilynn gets a little bigger.< ----- Here's the kicker. The one that gets me every time.

I know this might sound bad, but if Madilynn was born a boy then I would totally be down for a 2nd child. If I knew, 100%, that my next child would be a boy, I'd be all for it. I don't want 2 girls. Girls are emotional and mean. They want to dress up and play pretend. That's not my bag. I like to be outside. I like sports. I had an older brother and mostly guy friends growing up. I just feel like I relate more to guys. I'm just now, at 27, starting to get into clothes and hair and all that. I feel more feminine now than I ever have. Two boys I could handle. But 2 girls? And, trust me, deep down I know if I got pregnant again it would be a girl.

It makes more sense, financially, to have one child. That's only one car when they turn 16, one college tuition, one wedding (again with the girl thing). When we take vacations, it's only 1 extra ticket. It would be cheaper to dine out, see movies and go to amusement parks.

I just got over a cold and have just had a mild bout of.... food poisoning? stomach bug? whatever...have just thrown up multiple times. I had to call Jordan home to help with the baby because I was dizzy and light headed and couldn't walk without getting the spins. I was scared to pick up the baby. Laying in bed with her fussing while I waited for Jordan to get home was AWFUL. All I wanted was to lay in a dark, cold, quiet room. And guess who wanted to eat (twice) and blew out her diaper while waiting for Dad to get home. This takes me back to the days when I had constant morning sickness. And I remember, on a particularly bad day of morning sickness, wondering what I would do if I had a toddler to take care of. I could barely make it through the hour and a half it took Jordan to get home from work. How would I manage 13 weeks of constant sick, with another, demanding person to take care of?

And then there's the guilt. I want to give Madi everything. All my love and attention. I don't want her to be jealous of a new sibling. I don't want to have to spread myself too thin. I would feel bad for both children that I couldn't give them my 100%.

And Madilynn is SUCH a good baby. She hardly ever cries and is almost sleeping though the night. I just know our 2nd child would be a terror. You don't win the lotto twice, my friend.

However, if we had another child, Madilynn would have a sibling to grow up and play with. Jordan and I wouldn't be her only source of entertainment. We could have one kid mowing while the other one did dishes. Now that sounds nice. We would have, possibly, more grandchildren to enjoy in our old age. And more than one child to burden when we get sick and feeble and need someone to take care of us.

I asked Jordan the other day, "In your heart of hearts, do you think we'll have another child?" He said yes. He wants another child. Hands down he does. I asked him if he would feel unfulfilled, like he'd be missing out, if we only had one child. He said no. So who am I to take away his dreams of having the family he wants? What about what I want?

I know it's WAY too early to even be thinking about this. But the thought is brought to my attention every now and then. I can't help but try to look into my future and figure out which steps to take to get where we're going.

A Weekend (Almost) Without My Daughter

This past weekend was amazing. I feel a little bad saying it because I spent most of my weekend without my daughter.

Friday morning I went to some garage sales with my friend. Jordan was working from home that day so I left Madilynn home with him. It was a huge success and I came home with lots of new (to me) clothes for the baby.

And while I'm on the subject of garage sales, let me just say this: LOVE. Nowhere else can I get barely worn, name brand clothes for Madilynn. I'm talking about getting some outfits that would cost over $50 in boutique stores for $0.25 (my best deal yet). I'm not above second-hand. I always check for stains and holes, and ALWAYS wash them before putting them on the baby. I've also picked up some hard plastic toys for the winter time when she'll be older enough to enjoy them. I could do a blog post on this subject alone.

And, since it was the weekend, I got to sleep alone upstairs. Nice.

Saturday I went to the mall, alone, to get some post-pregnancy clothing. Since I'm a lot thinner than I was before I got pregnant, I had been itching to get something that fit my new shape. Something that wasn't a solid color and cotton. Something that fit my bigger chest, but also hid a nursing bra. Something to wear out, not while sitting at home getting barfed on by Madilynn.

I've never been thinner with big boobs so it was a bit of a challenge...not that I'm complaining. I was able to get 4 tops and a pair of jeans. I kept under my $100 budget. Nothing was 100% cotton and everything had a pattern...something I don't normally wear. I went window shopping and got lunch and splurged on some Starbucks. After 3 hours I was missing my family and worn out.

And, since it was the weekend, I got to sleep alone upstairs. Nice.

Sunday Jordan and I went shopping at a new store. It was nice because he liked some clothes at the store and was actually looking around instead of complaining. He even made mention of wanting to go back to do some clothes shopping. This is a help to me because this task usually falls on me.

Sunday night our friends came over with their 7 month old son. We left the kids with our husbands and went to the movies. We saw Friends with Benefits. The movie was descent but the gem was being able to sit though a FULL movie, uninterrupted, in silence. We came home to happy babies and smiling husbands. What could be better?

I had SUCH a good time this weekend that I feel a little guilty for ditching my family and spending time alone. I look at it this way...

I spend ALL day, EVERY day, with my daughter. I cook dinner every night for Jordan and keep the house clean. I pay all the bills and do all the shopping. After over 8 straight weeks of giving everything I have to my husband and child, I feel like I deserved a little time to myself. Some new clothes. An expensive coffee. And approximately 10 hours (not including sleep) of time to myself. I hoping this is a reoccurring event. It should be mandatory to insure sanity.

Two Months Old

Stats: 11lbs (50%) and 21 inches (20%)

Sleeping: We always get at least 4 straight hours and have been getting more nights of 5.5 hours. We've even gotten a 6 hour night or two.

Eating: Still exclusively breastfeeding. I have my days where I am irked by breastfeeding. When it's annoying and tedious. Most days, though, I really enjoy feeding her and the bond we share is awesome.

Playing: She's awake more during the day so we get to play more. I have her pack and play set as a play gym with hanging toys and rattles. She likes looking at them and "talking" to them. She really likes looking in the mirror that in there too. We try to do tummy time but she hates it.

Physical Changes: She's getting stronger neck muscles and lifting her head more. I'm hoping that in a few weeks she's able to hold her head up completely on her own. She's gaining weight and getting chubby. Her thighs are super chunky and cute. She smiles a LOT on her own and sometimes we can get her to smile by interacting with her.

The Good: My favorite time of day with her is still the mornings. She's just so happy and alert. She smiles and coos at me and it's so wonderful. She still hardly cries unless she's hungry.

The Bad: She's starting to do this thing where she fusses and cried right before falling asleep. She's fine to fall asleep on you, but as soon as we put her down she wails. It's hard to just let her cry, but it's over in a minuet or 2 and she passes out.

Madilynn also got her 1st round of vaccinations on Friday. It was horrible. I had to hold her hands down when they stuck her. I've never seen her cry so hard in my life and it made me tear up. I was able to calm her down very quickly. She fussed most of the night and then slept from 8:30pm til 5:00am. So she pretty much slept it off, which the Dr. said could happen.

The Ugly: She's been spitting up more. It's super gross. And sometimes she'll go a day or 2 without pooping. So then when she does poop it's a lot and disgusting.

How I feel: Most days are good. Sometimes I feel like I'm trapped inside a box with no exit. Sometimes I can't wait for Jordan to get home so that I can hand her off and get some time to myself. I got to go shopping alone this weekend and it was great. I was only gone for about 3.5 hours and I found myself missing my family terribly. I also got the chance to go to a movie with a girlfriend and that was wonderful as well. Don't get me wrong. I love my family and enjoy spending time with them. But there's some days when I feel totally overwhelmed and just need to get away for a bit. Even if it's going upstairs and hanging out in my craft room or catching up on DVR'ed shows for an hour. It really helps to recharge my batteries for the next day.

I've been going to a breastfeeding meetup group at the hospital once a week. It's so nice to meet with other moms and talk and have adult conversations with. Whose eyes don't glaze over when you talk about poop and sleep and spit-up. Or what baby-wearing method works best for you. And it's nice to have a reason to shower, put on makeup and descent clothes. I look forward to it every week.

Jordan: Wonderful. He's so good about letting me get some time to myself. He likes it too cause he can watch movies with Madilynn that I have no interest in watching. He can play video games without me complaining. He loves the one on one time he gets with the baby too.


So far, so good. We just keep rolling right along. I'm still relishing this tiny human that I share my life with. Each day is something new and wonderful.

My Baby is a Milk Snob

Everyone knows a snob of some sort. A wine snob, purse snob, or just a plain SNOB. My daughter is the milk snob. We've come to realize this over the past week or two.

She likes her milk fresh. If she had it her way she would only take milk from the breast. This, however, is not going to happen. There are times when I need to be away from Madilynn. Like to sleep on the weekends. Or to go shopping. Or to just have time alone.

She will take a bottle, but she's very particular about it. It has to be right from the fridge and heated. It cannot have been sitting out for any length longer than 30ish minuets or she deems it inedible. This means we waste a lot of milk.

Since I breastfeed, I don't have any clue as to how much she eats per meal. So, when Jordan fixes her a bottle, he's pretty much blind as to how much to make. If he makes too little then he has to make another bottle. This pisses Madilynn off since she wants her milk NOW. He also runs the risk of her falling back asleep or of her just forgetting she's hungry and not wanting the 2nd bottle. If he makes too much then then unused milk hits the drain. Sure, reheated milk is good for 4-6 hours, but our daughter will not have it.

And then there's the whole nipple issue. Standard nipples are too long for her and she gags on them. She doesn't like the shape of orthodontic nipples, which are too long for her anyways. She likes a specific nipple, the MAM. Which is only available at local stores if you buy MAM bottles. Which are expensive. And we already have enough bottles that the nipples will fit on to. We have to buy the MAMs on online.

All this is banking on that she'll even take a bottle. She's gone on bottle strikes in the past when she refuses the bottle. Even with fresh milk. Even with her favorite nipple. Even when I tried pumping the milk and having Jordan give it to her still warm and boob fresh. She has very specific tastes and wants.

Hopefully we'll nail it down to a science soon so that we can stop wasting money on nipples and bottles. And so we can stop pouring the "liquid gold" down the sink.

Zombie Mom

I haven't slept in days. We traveled to Indiana to visit my parents this weekend and it's totally thrown me off. I never get a good nights sleep when I sleep somewhere other than my bed so I didn't sleep well on my visit. Lack of sleep, paired with the stress of traveling and being away from home with my baby, has taken to my knees today.

Jordan and I have a deal that I get up with Madilynn during the week and he gets up with her on the weekends. I get our bedroom to myself to catch up on sleep. One might think that this would be a tremendous help but it's really not. I still have to get up to pump which takes almost an hour. By then I'm almost fully awake and it's really hard to get back to sleep. And now Madilynn isn't taking a bottle. So last night Jordan was waking me up to feed the baby.

Everyone says, "Sleep when the baby sleeps." This is hard for me to do because I can't really nap during the day. I need to sleep in dark and quiet. And I use Madilynn's naps to get things done around the house. I can't fall asleep while thinking about all the chores that need to be done.

Do to the lack of sleep and the stress of everything I feel like I need to get done, I'm at my wits end. My temper is super short and my patience is shorter. I'm snappy and irritable. I find myself getting angry at my husband because it's so easy for him to sleep and nap.

I want to sleep. Just to sleep without having to wake up, or being woken up, for as long as I can. And then just 2 more hours.

5 Years of Milestones

In the past 5 years I have:

Graduated College


Moved to Georgia to pursue a culinary apprenticeship



Gotten Engaged



Moved to Indianapolis to be closer to my fiance and plan a wedding



Gotten married



Moved to the Chicago suburbs to my in-laws house to save for our house



Bought a house



Gotten a new dog



Had a baby

One Month

Yesterday Madilynn turned one month old. I can't believe how fast the time has gone and how big she's gotten. I see her changing every day. Although I'm glad she's getting bigger and stronger, I still sometimes wish that she would stay small forever.

Weight: She now weighs 8lb. 12oz. That's a 2lb. 5oz. increase.

Height: Though the nurses at the hospital measured her at 20.25 inches, she was really only 18 inches long. She's now back up to 20.25 inches. An increase of 2.25 inches.

Body: She's lost the newborn curl. She stretches her legs out longer and carries them away from her body. Her cheeks have plumped out. Her thighs are getting bigger and chubbier too. Her hair is getting longer and darker in some spots. She also has a pretty bad case of baby acne. It's been making its way around her face for a few weeks now and has spread to the back of her neck and down her chest. It's so annoying. I wish it was gone and her smooth, soft skin was back. Dr. said there's nothing you can do to remedy it, so we just have to wait for it to take its course.

Eating: She's a breastfeeding champ! She's a fast and efficient eater, taking less than 10 minuets to nurse. My nipples are still a little sore and it's uncomfortable when she finishes her meal and uses me as a pacifier to soothe herself. I'm still building my stash in the freezer. We introduced one bottle this week. She took it without really putting up a fight. I'll admit I was a little sad that she didn't "need" me to eat. Jordan really enjoyed feeding her though.

Sleeping: She's still sleeping in her co-sleeper. On a "normal" night she'll fall asleep between 8:30 and 10:00. I usually leave her downstairs with Jordan and go up to bed for some alone time. I get to read a bit, but usually end up passing out, book in hand. Jordan brings her up around midnight and I feed her while he gets ready for bed. Then he changes and swaddles her and puts her to bed. She wakes up between 2 and 4 (and on a REALLY good night 4:30-5:00), and then again 2 hours later. Some days we get up at 6:00, but most days I get her to fall asleep for another hour or 2 before we wake up for real.

Crying: We have been blessed with a good baby. She only cries when she is hungry, needs a fresh diaper, or needs a burp, to fart, or poop. Sometimes she'll fuss when she's tired and wants to be held before she takes her afternoon naps. In that case I lay her on my chest until I can transfer her to the swing. I occasionally put her in the Moby Wrap if I'm busy around the house. Other than that she really doesn't cry.

Playing: She's awake more often and for longer periods of time. She likes to lay on her play mat and look at the hanging toys and mirror. We also have an accordion book with black and white images on it that we put up for her to look at. We also read to her. She LOVES her Look Look Books. We do tummy time, but not as often as we should.

My Favorite: The mornings are my favorite time of day. She wakes up, eats, then it's time to stretch. I undo her swaddle and she lifts up her arms and stretches out her legs and does full body stretches. She grunts and smiles and is wide awake. She's always in a great mood. We lay in bed she looks around, smiles at me, coos, and kicks her legs and waves her arms around. We do tummy time. When she's done stretching, I take her to her room and wipe her face, give her the vitamin D drops, change her diaper and dress her for the day. I just love that she's always in a great mood in the morning. It puts me in a good mood. Her smiles and coos melt my heart and it's a great start to the day.

My Not Favorite: Sometimes I feel like I am trapped in the house all day. Jordan goes off to work and I'm here, hanging out with Madilynn. And, although I love her dearly, she's not one to hold much of a conversation. She totally runs the show and dictates what I get done, when I can eat, when and where I go, and what I do. It's so nice when visitors stop by to break up the monotony. Also, my neighbor is a teacher and has the summer off so we get together and have adult conversations. It really helps with my sanity.

How am I doing? Pretty good. I'm generally in good moods and have good days. My stress level is still very high, especially in new situations with the baby. I still don't like to take her to the grocery store for big trips. I went to dinner with a friend and Madilynn slept through the whole meal. It was great. Though I'm getting better with it, I'm still nervous when people stop to look at her and ask me questions about her.

Jordan: Still doing good. I think he feels a little left out at times. The other night I had just fed Madilynn and gave her to him to burp. She didn't burp and he was just holding her when she started wailing. He didn't know what was wrong. I said, "She needs burped. That's her burp cry." He said he tried burping her and that she didn't need to burp. I told him to try it again and, sure enough, as soon as he put her on his shoulder, she burped and stopped crying. He asked me how I knew that's what she needed and I told him that I could tell by her cry. I think he felt bad that he didn't know right away and that I did. That he doesn't know her different cries. That he's missing out because he has to work and I stay home with her.

So, things are going well. We have a happy and healthy baby. Jordan and I are still doing great together and we make a good team.

On My Own

Today is the 1st day that I'll be completely alone with my child all day. Up until now I've have someone around to keep me company or help me out.

Jordan took 2 weeks off when we had her. He went back to work last Wednesday. My mom visited last Wednesday until Saturday. Jordan was home all weekend. I've had visitors every day this week until today. It really gave me something to look forward to. A reason to keep the house clean. Now I find myself sitting here, watching her sleep in her swing, wondering what to do with her and myself.

I'd love to go out and window shop. However, I usually only have an hour and a half to run my errands before she wakes up and wants to eat. To be honest, it's not worth getting her around and having to rush through my "fun" before she wakes up. I'm counting down the days until we can introduce a bottle. I'll be able go shopping and get groceries without feeling like it's a marathon or a race against the clock. Jordan's looking forward to feeding her so it will be a win/win.

Not only will giving her a bottle free me up, it will also allow Jordan and I to have some free time. There's some movies coming out this summer that I want to see. We have 2 sets of grandparents and lots of friends that have offered to lend their babysitting services. And we do plan on taking full advantage of them.

Surviving Weeks One and Two

We made it through almost 2 weeks. All 3 of us are still standing. Here are some things that have happened.

1St Dr. Visit: Madilynn had her 1st Dr. visit last Thursday. She had lost 7oz. from her birth weight. Everything was looking great and she's in good health.

1St Trip to the Store: Jordan and I took her to Target the day after we got home. We just needed a few thing. What would have normally been a 30 minuet trip took us THREE AND A HALF HOURS!!! As soon as we got there she started to fuss. That was remedied by Jordan pushing her up and down aisles in the stroller. Then she started to wail. She needed fed and changed. Since I wasn't going to feed her in the bathroom (yuck), I took her to the car to nurse and change her. This left Jordan wandering around the store trying to find the items we needed. It was very stressful, to say the least.

1st Family Party: We took Madilynn to Jordan's family's Memorial Day party. We really didn't want to go, but I was getting restless in the house and needed to get out. We were only going to stay 2 hours tops, but ended up being there for over 4. I was a mess of stress. Everyone wanted to hold her. We had to put up with "advice" from his family and got criticized for "Mother Henning" aka: hovering around our baby when others were holding her. I decided to wrap it up and go home when someone told me I "didn't get a turn holding my baby because I got to hold her all the time at home." My tongue was bleeding from having to bite it so hard.

Other "Milestones":
--Jordan survived projectile poop
--We cleared our 1st diaper rash
--Her bellybutton stump fell off
--Madilynn is sleeping more in her co-sleeper and less in bed or with Jordan in the chair
--We've mastered breastfeeding and have a little stock pile building in the freezer

What I Enjoy:
--Taking her photos
--Nursing
--Snuggling
--Giving her kisses

What is Tough:
--Learning to relax when she's on her own; either in her swing or co-sleeper. I check on her a lot but I'm slowly learning that it's ok to take my eyes off her.
--Seeing her grow so fast. I love that she's growing and getting stronger, but I wish I could freeze time a bit and have stay small a little longer.
--Watching her struggle and push to poop. She grunts, stretches, and cries. Sometimes she wails and screams. It hurts my heart. I try to rub her back, move her legs, and soothe her, but it's little help. It's tough to watch her cry as she works it out, but there's not too much I can do.

How I'm Feeling: I've had a few days of baby blues where I cried a lot. There are days where I'm just irritated and frustrated. It's getting better though. I'm doing better physically and have bounced back surprisingly fast. I've lost 12 of the 15lbs I gained while pregnant so far. I'm thinner looking than I was before I got pregnant. Everything is back to normal except that my belly is a little loose. My boobs have gotten a lot bigger and I've gotten a few stretch marks on them. I'm looking forward to taking advantage of this little head start and working out. I know if I start working out right away I have a better chance of loosing all the baby weight and, hopefully, a little more. I'm just waiting to heal 100% before hitting the gym. In the meantime, I put Madilynn in the Moby wrap and take walks around our neighborhood.

Jordan: Loves being a dad. He's so good with Madilynn. He's not scared of poop or spit-up. He takes a very active roll in taking care of her. He's looking forward to feeding her when we introduce bottles in a few weeks. I know that him going back to work is going to be a little tough cause he'll miss her a lot.

My Birth Experience: What I Expected-What I Got

Going Into Labor
What I Expected: Natural and Med-free

What I got: Induced, Pitocin, Epidural

Please Explain: Dr. induced me due to lack of fetal movement and low amniotic fluid around the baby.

How I felt about it: Totally upset at first. I cried when the Dr. told me to go to the hospital. It wasn't my plan. I wasn't expecting to have my baby that day. I wasn't ready! I felt like my body was letting me down and that I was letting my baby down. While laboring in the hospital I broke down again because I felt total loss of control and backed into a corner. The nurse talked me through it and I was able to calm down, accept what was happening, and proceed through the labor

Jordan: Was level headed and calming. He talked though things with me and let me know that it wasn't my fault that this was how it was going to happen. He reassured me that it was for the best and encouraged me to be excited to meet our baby.


Labor
What I Expected: Smooth, relaxed and zen-like

What I Got: Screaming, contorting, crying

Please Explain: I had practiced breathing and relaxation techniques throughout the pregnancy. I thought I'd make it through the contractions by breathing, walking, leaning on Jordan, or using the birthing ball. Since I was hooked up to an IV I wasn't able to labor in the tub or shower.

The contractions weren't that bad until my water broke. After that it all went down hill. When people say "Labor is the worse pain you'll ever feel." they are lying. It's far FAR worse. I tried breathing through them but ended up screaming. I tried different positions and ended up writhing in pain, clutching Jordan's hands an begging him to make it stop. I tried going to the "soothing place" and not being able to find anything but hell.

How I felt about it: I know I was making loud, strange, primal noises. For a while I was worried about what the people in the room or in the hall would think of me. But, I did what came natural to me and I'm 100% fine with that.

Jordan: Felt helpless. He said it was extremely hard to see me go though that sort of pain and not be able to help.


Epidural
What I Expected: Not to have one

What I Got: An epidural

Please Explain: I went as LONG as I could and then some. I wasn't trying to be Super Woman, but I didn't want to give in too soon. The 1st one only worked on 1/2 of my body. After an hour and a half of they called in another epidural. Trying to get an epidural while having contractions is super scary. I kept begging the anesthesiologist not to paralyze me. At one point the bed wouldn't stay elevated so he had to do it as the bed slowly slid down. Then the nurse would put the bed back up and it would slide back down again. I'm trying to stay still between contractions and the bed is sliding and I'm terrified.

The needle itself didn't hurt so bad. When they injected me it felt warm and tingly. Then it was numb. Strangely numb. It was nice to have no pain. During recovery my back hurt and was very sensitive at the injection site for a few days.

How I Felt About It: I thought I was going to beat myself up about it but I didn't. I'm glad I got it and wish I would have gotten it sooner. Strange as it might sound, I'm also glad I got to experience that sort of pain with contractions.

Jordan: Helped support me while I got the shot. He totally supported my decision to have it done and never made me feel like I giving up.


Pushing
What I Expected: Pushing forever, Episiotomy

What I Got: 20 minuets of pushing, no episiotomy

Please Explain: The Dr. did perineum massage as I was pushing.

How I felt about it: Relieved. I had some minor tearing. I only needed one little internal stitch.

Jordan: Happy


Crowning and Birth
What I Expected: Burning. I didn't want Jordan to watch. I didn't want a mirror

What I got: Minor burning and pressure. Jordan watched. I watched with the mirror

Please Explain: I felt minor burning when she crowned. It wasn't painful but I felt a lot of pressure and stretching. I know Jordan wanted to watch and I found myself wanting him to watch. I had the nurses get the mirror so that I could watch too. I only pushed 20 minuets.

How I Felt: I was determined to meet my baby. I was excited. I saw her in the mirror and was blown away. I got to feel her head when it came out. I saw her come out and it left me breathless. They put her on my chest, sucked out her mouth and nose and she cried. I looked at Jordan and he was crying and smiling.

Jordan: Was in awe.


Meeting Our Daughter:
What I Expected: Happiness and Love

What I Got: Breathtaking, overwhelming, all encompassing joy

Please Explain: I almost couldn't believe it when they gave her to me. She cried a little, then settled down. Her eyes were wide open and she was looking at me. She was bloody and slimy and I didn't care. I pulled her up to my face and kissed her. She smelled so good. I was crying told her how much I loved her.

How I Felt: Awesome!

Jordan: Once I got an hour on skin to skin time with her, the nurses took her and got her weight, height, and other measurements. When they were done they gave her to Jordan. He was wearing just a zip up hoodie and put her against his chest and zipped her up. He got to snuggle her while the nurses worked on getting me up and to the bathroom.



Recovery

What I Expected: A lot of pain and discomfort

What I Got: A lot of pain and discomfort

Please Explain: Even though I didn't get an episiotomy, I did suffer a pretty big vaginal abrasion. It's like a rug burn, or road rash, on your vagina. That's been the worse part of my recovery. It feels like getting acid poured on an open wound every time I use the bathroom. I literally brings me to tears. The only relief I get is sitting in front of a little fan to cool things off and air things out.

How I feel: It sucks. It makes it hard to be in a good mood when you're in pain all day. I find myself not wanting to drink too much so that I don't have to pee. I know this is bad because I have drink a lot to breastfeed.

Jordan: Feels bad hearing me cry when I pee. He's still very supportive.

My Overall Experience
Even though things didn't go as planned, I couldn't be more happy with how things turned out. Our baby is happy, healthy, and beautiful and that's all I could ask for.

38 Weeks

How Far Along: 38 weeks

Dr. Says: I'm 1/2cm dilated. About a fingertip. While this isn't a lot, it's better than nothing. Just because I'm dilated doesn't mean that labor is near. She's guessing that the baby weighs around 7lbs 4oz.

Weight gained: None in the last 2 weeks so I'm still sitting around 13ish lbs. I was feeling really skinny in my waist yesterday so maybe she's just feeding off my fat reserves.

How I'm feeling: Where to begin?

• Excited: Sometimes I get so excited to meet her that I'm willing to do anything to get her out. We've tried some things to try to move her along. Jordan and I have been having more sex. I've been trying to eat labor inducing foods and going on walks. Sometimes this gives me contractions for a while, but they're not regular or "real" ones, just intense Braxton Hicks.
• Bittersweet: There's only 2 weeks until my due date. I feel like Jordan and I should be spending as much time alone as we can. It will never be just us again. Even when we get alone time after the baby, I know my mind will always be on baby. I get so overwhelmed with the thought that it will never just be the 2 of us again. We have such a great thing going now and I'm worried how the baby will effect our lives once she's here. So even though I'm sad that our time as a twosome is coming to an end, I'm also happy that we'll get to start sharing our lives with our baby.
• Emotional: My moods are out of control. I cry all the time for the strangest things. I'm irritable and sometimes a little mean. I'm over the moon happy and energetic. I feel bad for Jordan because he never really knows what he's walking into. I try to let him know when I'm in a bad mood and that's it's not his fault. He seems to understand and takes it all in stride.
• Lack of Control: Some days I hardly feel her moving at all. I'll try every trick I have to get her to move and she still won't move. I freak out. I get sad and depressed and obsess over the thought that my baby has died in my womb and I'll never get to meet her. I think morbid thoughts about her funeral and what I would do with the nursery and how I'd never want to be pregnant again. How all this would be for nothing. The closer I get to her due date the more I want her out and in my arms. I feel that I can protect her and have more control over her well being with her out of my belly. I have no control over what's going on in there and it freaks me out.
• Scared: We're going to have a baby and that's scary. We've never done this before and we don't know what we're doing. I can read all the books and blogs and gather all the information I can. I still have no idea what to do with a newborn. Nor does my husband. Scary.
• Excited: WE'RE HAVING A BABY! I'm excited! Jordan's excited! Our family, especially our mothers, our super excited! Our friends are excited! I can't wait to show her off and dress her up. I can't wait to sit with her and Jordan and ohh and ahh over every time she moves her face or makes a noise. I just want to stare at her. Hold her. Cuddle her. Coo at her. I love her so much already and I'm excited for more love to EXPLODE!

My house is: Spotless. I cleaned the nursery one last time and closed the door. I have to stop going in there because every time I do I re-clean it. Every night before bed I clear the tables and counter tops and sinks. I fold up the couch blankets and put the pillows nicely. I make the bed in the morning, something I never did before. If, at a moment's notice, I go into labor and have to rush to the hospital, I know I will be coming home to a clean house. And that makes me feel good.

Jordan: Still super supportive. He spends time with me. He listens to my concerns and calms my nerves when I break down. He does everything he can to make my life easier. He's going to be a great father!

Cravings: Fresh fruit. For the last week I've been having a LARGE plate of fruit for lunch: Cantaloupe, strawberries, cherries, pineapple with cream cheese fruit dip. I usually have a pint of blueberries with breakfast. Thankfully all these fruits are in season, decently priced, ripe and tasty. I've also been craving pasta. Bowls and bowls of pasta. With or without sauce, doesn't matter to me.

What I Miss: Being comfortable. I want to get up without wincing in pain. Or bend over without feeling like I'll tip forward. Or be able to put my shoes on without having to sit down.

What I'm Looking Forward To: Normal clothes. I'm hoping that my lack of weight gain makes it easier to loose weight after the baby. With how my hips and thighs have changed I'll probably never fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans again. I want to re-vamp my style. Maybe try something new. I'm sick of jeans and tee-shirts. I want to look girly and fun. Thankfully it's going to be summer time and I can wear dresses and cute tops.

3 Years

Jordan and I are celebrating our 3 year anniversary today.

Here's our story:
We met in October 2004 at a Halloween party at his fraternity house. I had seen him up there a few times and thought he was cute. My friend was in the same rush class as Jordan so I asked him to introduce us. I was dressed as Zorro. Jordan was dressed as a Russian rap artist. After the introduction we hung out for a bit. Since Jordan's costume consisted of a big furry hat and sunglasses, I remember wondering if he was the same guy I had had my eye on. We exchanged numbers and the next day I called him to see if he wanted to go to another Halloween party with me. He did.

For 3 nights after the Halloween holiday we watched movies on the couch. It took him 3 dates to kiss me. I'm kind of glad for that. On our 1st real date we want to the movies to see Saw 1. We were pretty much attached after that. We mostly hung out at my place. I'd cook him dinner and then we'd watch movies. Since I had an apartment and he still lived in the dorms he spent the night almost every night. It's fun to remember him, me, and my yellow lab, Emma, all squeezing in my little twin bed every night.

After college I moved to Georgia for a culinary apprenticeship. It was a 3 year program. Jordan would come visit every month or so. In February I flew out to attend his fraternity's formal. Through the whole dinner I could see the ring box in his pocket. After dinner he got on one knee, sung me a song, and proposed. I said yes. I flew back to GA with a shiny new ring on my finger and the constant urge to move back home to be with him. I quit the apprenticeship after a year and moved to Indianapolis.

Jordan still had one year left in school so I worked planned the wedding while he finished. Indy was only an hour away from Purdue so we saw each other almost every weekend. In 2008 Jordan graduated and a week later we got married. We took a 3 week honeymoon in Europe. It was amazing. After that we moved in with my mom and waited for Jordan to work out his employment with his current job. Once he was hired we moved in with his parents to save for our house.

We bought our house a few days before Christmas in 2009. We moved in on New Year's Day. I got pregnant in August of 2010.

The last 3 years have been a whirlwind. It's so amazing to look back on it all. I feel so blessed that all these good things have happened to us. Jordan's job will allow me to stay home with the baby. We have a nice house. Our health is great and we have amazing support from our families and a good circle of friends. And soon a baby.

My husband and I are more in love than ever. And for that, I feel the most lucky.

Clean Clean Clean

I know I posted about this before. But, honestly, how I felt then has nothing on what's going on now. My nesting instinct is in full force.

The nursery is 100% done! Everything is set up and ready for the baby. However, every time I go in there to look around or adjust something, I have to vacuum and dust it again. I vacuum in there every other day, if not every day. I can't explain why. For some reason my brain screams at me that the room must be PERFECT so that when I bring her home it's clean and ready.

The same goes for the rest of the house. I walk around tidying, dusting, sweeping, and obsessing over every little thing that gets moved out of place. The vacuum is attached to me and I carry it everywhere. When I do laundry I actually put the clothes away instead of leaving them folded in the laundry room (then wipe everything down and do the floors). I've pulled out everything in every cabinet and cupboard and reorganized and cleaned it. I've been purging things we don't use. My pile for the Goodwill is growing into a mountain. If I haven't used it since we've moved in then I want it gone. The garage is cleaned and reorganized and I've just given the basement another overhaul: purging and cleaning and reorganizing.

My house is spotless. The Pope could eat off my floors and drink from my toilet. Yet I still find myself dealing with this obsession. I want to bring my daughter home to a clean house. I don't want to be sitting in the hospital worrying about coming home to a mess. The last thing I want is to walk through the front door with my newborn and feel like I have to clean. I feel that by keeping my house in a constant state of cleanliness it helps to calm my nerves and help me relax a bit. At this point, every form of stress relief helps.

36 Weeks

How Far Along: 36 weeks

Weight Gained: 12 pounds

Dr. Says: Everything's looking good. Not dilated yet. She gave me signs to watch out for labor and when I should go to the hospital. I'm seeing her every week now.

How I Feel: Like a blimp. Moving is awkward and uncomfortable. I've been sleeping better but I'm tired more throughout the day.

Cravings: Water. I'm super thirsty all the time.

Aversions: None really

How Jordan's Holding Up: He's stressed out about his list. He's added a lot more to it and seems to add 2 more things for everything he's checked off. When I tell him there's 3 1/2 weeks left his eyes change and he looks a little freaked out. We continue to talk about how things will change and what we're looking forward to after the baby comes.

Completed Projects:

• Changing table/dresser: We had picked up this dresser off Craig's List for $100. It's all wood and really nice. I had sanded and painted it and moved it into the nursery. Then the paint started peeling off it. I cried. Really, I cried. I had a melt down. We moved the dresser to the garage where I stripped all the paint off and sanded it to the bare wood. I primed and painted it again. It's back up in the nursery. If the paint peels again the dresser is going out the window.
• Crib Skirt: I'm so proud of myself for completing this project. It was my 1st time sewing ruffles and it turned out amazing!
• Baby gear: I've put together all the baby gear including bouncy seat, swing, pack and play, co-sleeper, 2 strollers, high chair, jumparoo. It's invaded our whole house.
• Helped Jordan fill in the pool hole: We filled it in and planted it last year, but it settled so much that we've had to do it again. So far we've put 3200 pounds of soil on the spot. We're waiting for it to rain to see how much it settles and how much more dirt we need.

What I'm Looking Forward To: Kentucky Derby party this weekend. Jordan's suit is so great. I can't wait for people to see it. I plan on eating a lot. I'm also looking forward to wearing normal clothes once I deflate. I'm so sick of wearing my slim selection of maternity clothes.

Want to Know Something Strange that's Probably TMI? My boobs leak when I do crafts for the baby. Doesn't matter if it's scrapbooking, making headbands or hair bows, or sewing a crib skirt. It happens every time. It freaks me out.

Strange Pains: I've been getting what I like to call "Charlie horse of the crotch." It's like when you get a Charlie horse, but in the crotch. It wakes me up at night. I get Charlie horses in my calves while I sleep about once a week too. I've also had a pulled muscle in my left hip/butt cheek for weeks! It makes putting on pants or shoes standing up very hard to do.

Here are some photos from a maternity shoot that Lauren Murphy took.

The Long List

Jordan and I sat down last night and each made a list of things we want or need to accomplish before the baby gets here. Each is list is long. We're running out of time and this makes me extremely nervous.

My list -- This means it's done

• Find a pediatrician - I've made some calls and am in the process of setting up meet and greets
• Write birth plan - draft is done
  
• Paint the dresser for the nursery. Thank goodness my dad is sending my his paint sprayer.
• Sort and return some baby gifts.
• Buy baby items that we still need
• Pack hospital bag
• Sew the crib skirt -- it came out SO nice!
  
• Sew the curtain tie backs
• Sew the car seat cover -- I bought one instead
  
• Belly cast at week 37
  
• Maternity pictures taken at Dole Mansion next week
  
• Write final thank you notes
• Draft e-mail for friends and family for when after the baby comes
• Get Fiona her shots
• Put together shower gifts
• Wash new baby clothes -- Since I have so many clothes already I'm holding off on washing all the new stuff just in case she comes out a he. I have washed all the wet pads, changing pad cover, white onesies, and other gender neutral things.
  

Jordan's List

• Check some wires in the attic
• Install smoke alarm in nursery
• Finish reading "Be Prepared. A Practical Handbook for New Dads"
• Finish some tax thing
• Open college fund
• Fix our closet
• Finish baby closet
• Hang shelves and art in nursery
• Install car seat
• Help me with my list

I can honestly say that I am more stressed out after looking at this. I am so thankful and lucky that I am able to be home to work on these things. We have anywhere from 3 to 7 weeks to get all this done. I know this might seem like plenty of time, but with my unpredictable energy levels and limited mobility it's getting tough to work things out. I plan on picking a few things each day and working on removing them from the list.