My Birth Experience: What I Expected-What I Got

Going Into Labor
What I Expected: Natural and Med-free

What I got: Induced, Pitocin, Epidural

Please Explain: Dr. induced me due to lack of fetal movement and low amniotic fluid around the baby.

How I felt about it: Totally upset at first. I cried when the Dr. told me to go to the hospital. It wasn't my plan. I wasn't expecting to have my baby that day. I wasn't ready! I felt like my body was letting me down and that I was letting my baby down. While laboring in the hospital I broke down again because I felt total loss of control and backed into a corner. The nurse talked me through it and I was able to calm down, accept what was happening, and proceed through the labor

Jordan: Was level headed and calming. He talked though things with me and let me know that it wasn't my fault that this was how it was going to happen. He reassured me that it was for the best and encouraged me to be excited to meet our baby.


Labor
What I Expected: Smooth, relaxed and zen-like

What I Got: Screaming, contorting, crying

Please Explain: I had practiced breathing and relaxation techniques throughout the pregnancy. I thought I'd make it through the contractions by breathing, walking, leaning on Jordan, or using the birthing ball. Since I was hooked up to an IV I wasn't able to labor in the tub or shower.

The contractions weren't that bad until my water broke. After that it all went down hill. When people say "Labor is the worse pain you'll ever feel." they are lying. It's far FAR worse. I tried breathing through them but ended up screaming. I tried different positions and ended up writhing in pain, clutching Jordan's hands an begging him to make it stop. I tried going to the "soothing place" and not being able to find anything but hell.

How I felt about it: I know I was making loud, strange, primal noises. For a while I was worried about what the people in the room or in the hall would think of me. But, I did what came natural to me and I'm 100% fine with that.

Jordan: Felt helpless. He said it was extremely hard to see me go though that sort of pain and not be able to help.


Epidural
What I Expected: Not to have one

What I Got: An epidural

Please Explain: I went as LONG as I could and then some. I wasn't trying to be Super Woman, but I didn't want to give in too soon. The 1st one only worked on 1/2 of my body. After an hour and a half of they called in another epidural. Trying to get an epidural while having contractions is super scary. I kept begging the anesthesiologist not to paralyze me. At one point the bed wouldn't stay elevated so he had to do it as the bed slowly slid down. Then the nurse would put the bed back up and it would slide back down again. I'm trying to stay still between contractions and the bed is sliding and I'm terrified.

The needle itself didn't hurt so bad. When they injected me it felt warm and tingly. Then it was numb. Strangely numb. It was nice to have no pain. During recovery my back hurt and was very sensitive at the injection site for a few days.

How I Felt About It: I thought I was going to beat myself up about it but I didn't. I'm glad I got it and wish I would have gotten it sooner. Strange as it might sound, I'm also glad I got to experience that sort of pain with contractions.

Jordan: Helped support me while I got the shot. He totally supported my decision to have it done and never made me feel like I giving up.


Pushing
What I Expected: Pushing forever, Episiotomy

What I Got: 20 minuets of pushing, no episiotomy

Please Explain: The Dr. did perineum massage as I was pushing.

How I felt about it: Relieved. I had some minor tearing. I only needed one little internal stitch.

Jordan: Happy


Crowning and Birth
What I Expected: Burning. I didn't want Jordan to watch. I didn't want a mirror

What I got: Minor burning and pressure. Jordan watched. I watched with the mirror

Please Explain: I felt minor burning when she crowned. It wasn't painful but I felt a lot of pressure and stretching. I know Jordan wanted to watch and I found myself wanting him to watch. I had the nurses get the mirror so that I could watch too. I only pushed 20 minuets.

How I Felt: I was determined to meet my baby. I was excited. I saw her in the mirror and was blown away. I got to feel her head when it came out. I saw her come out and it left me breathless. They put her on my chest, sucked out her mouth and nose and she cried. I looked at Jordan and he was crying and smiling.

Jordan: Was in awe.


Meeting Our Daughter:
What I Expected: Happiness and Love

What I Got: Breathtaking, overwhelming, all encompassing joy

Please Explain: I almost couldn't believe it when they gave her to me. She cried a little, then settled down. Her eyes were wide open and she was looking at me. She was bloody and slimy and I didn't care. I pulled her up to my face and kissed her. She smelled so good. I was crying told her how much I loved her.

How I Felt: Awesome!

Jordan: Once I got an hour on skin to skin time with her, the nurses took her and got her weight, height, and other measurements. When they were done they gave her to Jordan. He was wearing just a zip up hoodie and put her against his chest and zipped her up. He got to snuggle her while the nurses worked on getting me up and to the bathroom.



Recovery

What I Expected: A lot of pain and discomfort

What I Got: A lot of pain and discomfort

Please Explain: Even though I didn't get an episiotomy, I did suffer a pretty big vaginal abrasion. It's like a rug burn, or road rash, on your vagina. That's been the worse part of my recovery. It feels like getting acid poured on an open wound every time I use the bathroom. I literally brings me to tears. The only relief I get is sitting in front of a little fan to cool things off and air things out.

How I feel: It sucks. It makes it hard to be in a good mood when you're in pain all day. I find myself not wanting to drink too much so that I don't have to pee. I know this is bad because I have drink a lot to breastfeed.

Jordan: Feels bad hearing me cry when I pee. He's still very supportive.

My Overall Experience
Even though things didn't go as planned, I couldn't be more happy with how things turned out. Our baby is happy, healthy, and beautiful and that's all I could ask for.